The Fat-Shaming Mile-High Club

     I work for an airline. The BEST airline. I love my job. I do NOT love phone calls like this:

Me: Greeting for the best airline, how can I help you tonight?

Customer: I just wanted you to know I had a great flight leaving Florida last week, but my flight back was awful.

Me: Oh, I am so sorry to hear that. What went wrong? What could we do better?

Customer: I got sat next to this lady and she was enormous. I mean, as she came down the aisle, everyone had to lean in to let her even walk by. It was ridiculous. I was praying she wasn't coming to sit next to me, and of course, she was. She was very polite and everything but she sat down and just lopped on over into my seat. Then she had to ask the stewardess for one of those extra seatbelts.

Me: (pretty disgusted, but staying matter-of-fact) A seatbelt extender.

Customer: I guess that's what you call it. To me, they shouldn't even offer those. If the seatbelt doesn't fit you, you shouldn't be able to fly.

Me: .... (Stunned silence. How do you respond to that? Especially when you've had to use one of those seatbelt extenders yourself, in the past.)

Customer: Anyway, she took up so much of my seat. I was just SO uncomfortable.

Me: (in my head) Imagine how she felt.

Me: (out loud) I am sorry to hear that your flight was less than enjoy-

Her: (interrupting) ... And THEN, get THIS.... she pulls out a bag of food from her backpack and starts eating pretzels and chips and all kinds of stuff!

Me: (knowing full well what she is implying): Yes, customers are welcome to bring aboard any food that they so choose.

Her: Yeah, well you'd think, given her size, she'd at least not eat like that in public.

Me: (in my head) Wait, what the FUCK, lady? Not only is her size offensive to you, but she's not supposed to EAT in front of you???? Like a goddamned human being???

Me: (out loud) ....... (There WAS no 'out loud'. More stunned silence.)

Now My Least Favorite Customer Ever: I was just disgusted. I mean, really, it's not right. If someone is that size, they should have to buy two seats, or buy first class or something. It's just not fair.

Me: (in my head) No, what's not fair is being told you have to pay double what everyone else does, when you're already in an uncomfortable and awkward situation, as it is. What's not fair is being judged by rude-ass bitches around you who think they know you, just by looking at you. THAT'S what's not fair, lady.

Me: (out loud) I am sorry you feel that way, but that would be discrimination, ma'am. We would never make someone pay more because they happen to weigh more, just like we wouldn't make my husband pay more because he's 6'5". I am certainly sorry to hear that you were uncomfortable, and I'd be happy to issue you-

Worst Customer Ever: (interrupting me again) I'm not looking for anything, but I really don't think I should have to have even been put in that situation. I mean, I ended up telling her that her belly was resting on my armrest and I couldn't get comfortable.

Me: ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!



     At this point, The Worst Customer Ever continues her tirade about fat people being the bain of her existence and how she understands because she once weighed almost 200 pounds, but she did something about it and got a nutritionist and dietician and lost weight because no one else should have to deal with someone else's weight issue. (She seriously said that! Seriously. AND how much more frickin privileged could you sound, lady? Like everyone has money laying around to pay a nutritionist and dietician.) Anyway, how the rest of the call went, you can just imagine. Needless to say, I was very glad to move on to another call, and my far more common, happy customer who just needed a receipt resent. He didn't even have a peep to make about his overweight fellow passengers! Go figure!

      I share this with you, not to bitch about my ugly, hateful customer, but to demonstrate to you how wildly open people feel about being judgemental and rude to overweight people. She TOLD the woman her belly was resting on her armrest. Like the woman was not painfully, and I bet shamefully, aware of this fact. Granted, hate seems to be growing stronger by the day lately on all fronts, but all along, fat-shaming has been a constant, acceptable way to communicate with overweight people.  Being overweight is looked at as a choice. One that a lazy, selfish person makes. I mean, obviously, because why would you NOT choose to not fit comfortably into a world that is literally not designed for you? Why would you NOT want to struggle to find affordable, stylish clothes that fit? Why would you NOT want to be stared at, laughed at and made fun of? Clearly, this is a choice that I have made, along with my fellow fatties. We like being like this. And we love being fat-shamed! Especially while on an uncomfortable, anxiety-raising airplane flight. Jesus, for all that lady knew, her overweight seatmate may have been flying to a parent's funeral, or to her own destination wedding, or to volunteer with hurricane relief in the Gulf. The point is, you don't know JACK about someone else's story. You know even less about their body. Keep your comments and judgments to yourself. I only wish I had a way to know who her seatmate was and how to contact her. Man would I love for her to know that I see her, and that I've got her back.

     Oh, and one more lesson, kids. Never put down a group of people over the phone to a total stranger, because you have no idea if the person you are speaking with fits neatly into the group you are marginalizing and hating on. You never know. Here's one thing that you can know for sure though: KINDNESS IS ALWAYS APPRECIATED. Use it, freely and plentifully. All the time. You'll never run out. I promise.

Seriously..... FUCK Halloween Candy.

     

Ok, it's not JUST Halloween candy. I have hit a wall. I have a giant elliptical machine looming behind me, calling my name, taunting me...... "Heeeeeey, Loser..... you gonna quit? Yeah, you are. You always quit. That's why you're a Fatty McFatterson." My elliptical can be a real dick sometimes.

     Halloween candy has indeed been rough on me, but so has laziness and stress. All the stress. All the time. Being a mom is really hard. Being a mom to two kids with special needs is wearing me the fuck out. Every day there's a new crisis.... Therapy appointment is changed, 9 year old's panic attack over homework is out of control and she needs help regulating, 6 year old is off his meds and off the wall, had to change 9 year old's teacher due to non-compliance with her 504, another appointment with the principal.... on and on. All you moms of kids from hard places out there feel me. Every day is a new emergency. And a new excuse, really.

     But here's the truth of it: I think I want to fuck this all up. Well, I don't, but my subconscious does. Remember when I first started on my quest to find the big-bright-shiny-Jenn-light-that-burns-so-bright, just a couple of months ago? Remember how I kept saying that it was freaking me out that it was so easy? That's because I am not comfortable with taking care of myself. I am not comfortable feeling sexy, healthy, worthy... any of that. The stress and the Halloween candy, they are just self-sabotage really. I can't lie... some part of me is relieved that I am starting to struggle. Some part of me thinks I deserve this fat, motionless, boring life. Screw her. Screw that part of me. Seriously, she's a waste of space. The healthier, energetic, happier me is SO much better.

      Today I totally gave in. Today I ate pretty much whatever I wanted, and guess how I felt after? Awful. Not sick-to-my-stomach awful, (I didn't actually eat that much, just stuff I haven't been eating), just gross. I felt heavier, slower, tired, depressed. Yucky enough to realize that I am being dumb. Time to lace the sneakers back up, and tell the elliptical 'Enough sassin' me, I'm back.' Time to make my weight loss tracker stop looking like rolling hills and more like a steep dive off a cliff. Here's hoping my sanity doesn't go with it!