Right from the get-go though, I want to say this: It's not lost on me that we are very, very privileged to have the worries that we have. We have a roof over our heads. A super nice roof, in a super nice house, in a super nice neighborhood. It's all rented, but we still get to live here. We have plenty of food in our fridge. (Really too much food in our fridge is what started this blog in the first place, isn't it?) We've been on cruises and vacations in the past that some people only dream of. We have modes of transportation and we even get to spend a lot of time on Disney property. And to top it all off, we have several fantastic friends and family members who love and care about us. We are lucky, lucky bastards. But the truth is, we probably shouldn't be doing or having most of what we do. It's been a rough few years for us, financially. Job changes, lots of outputting of money for things for our kids, including services and our income is way down from where it was.
Five years ago, The Hubs and I both had great paying jobs in sales. We worked hard and played hard. We got to vacation in France. We got to buy things we not only needed but also things we wanted. We didn't have to worry much about bills being paid because we could pretty much always cover it. We had great health insurance through work and out of cost fees weren't an issue. We also did not have kids.
Yes, it was the best thing that could possibly ever happen to one human being to meet our kiddos and get to make them part of our family, but man, those suckers are expensive! Not only do kids cost a lot of money, but their needs put a huge limit on how much time we as parents can commit to work. It's no secret that our maternity and paternity leave in the US is a joke compared to the rest of the world, but we also struggle to be able to care for our kids on a day to day basis and still balance work, because our living wages are abysmal. I am so fortunate to have an incredibly flexible job, but when I have to take some extra time off because my kiddo with sensory processing disorder is having a meltdown, or because my daughter is having a panic attack, it costs me. And if you are the parent of a kiddo with a trauma history, you are so gonna feel me on this, but can we just talk about how expensive everyday life is for these kids? There are therapies, activities to keep them engaged and strengthen their social skills, tutors, IEP advocates, medications and treatments, tools like wobble cushions and weighted blankets... You just basically hemorrhage money. Again, best money ever spent, but it's overwhelming. And just one tiny event can send you into a hole that feels impossible to dig your way out of. Welcome to my life. We seem to find hole after hole. One step forward, two steps back. That kinda thing. It's exhausting.
Our most recent 'step back' came in the form of a car accident for me back in late February. My already piece-of-crap of a car was totaled and my injuries have put me out of commission quite a bit. I can't really elaborate for legal reasons, but I am happy to report that I was not at fault and that myself and my passenger are on the road to recovery, but between the costs of having to get a new piece-of-crap car and time off of work, having to go to physical therapy and appointments multiple times a week, etc, it has sucked donkey balls. Not to mention.... it put me into a tailspin of depression, lack of motivation for anything, and even incapacitation at times, and as a result, I have regained HALF of my lost weight. Fuck. Me.
So, here we are... faux rich, and so NOT famous. Why do I say "faux rich"? Because to the outside world, we probably look pretty comfortable: car, large (read: expensive to climate control but locked into a great school zone) house complete with pool (read: cash guzzler), occasional travel (read: flight benefits as an airline employee), and so much more. But the silent truth is that we struggle to make ends meet on a day to day basis. We have zero savings and no backup plans and that feels scary.
My kids know it, too. I don't want them to know, but they are observant. They get that we never go out to eat anymore and that we've cut way back on the fun extras that they were used to when they first moved in and we had higher incomes. They get that Mamma had to fight with the doctor's office to get anxiety meds refilled without having health insurance and without paying a $200 office visit fee. They get that sometimes it's not worth the gas to go somewhere. They get that groceries have to be on sale to be purchased, no matter how yummy they look. They get all of it. I don't ever want them to have to take on any of my worries though. They have enough of their own. So we still try to make sure they have fun and that they get to feel special and amazing. We spend time with them, unplugged from technology and engaged. But they see the worry in our eyes. I am sure of it.
We are genuinely doing the best we can. The Hubs works hard at his job, in the hopes to move up soon. I work whatever I can at my part-time job, and I also keep my gig facilitating post-adoption support groups, and blogging. Not huge money-makers, but every little bit helps. We have cut waaaaay back on expenses, and have found small, happy surprises in doing so. We got rid of cable and satellite tv. We were super tv addicted and were really sad to cut the chord. Turns out, we don't need it and we spend a lot less time zoned out in front of the screen, which is awesome. Now, we are not complete animals... we do have Netflix. And Amazon. And Hulu. Oh man. We may have a problem.
The point of all of this is just to say that money troubles blow and if you have them, you're not in it alone. In fact, this particular pool is overcrowded as hell and I think someone just peed.
