One Month In.

Hey, you're back!

     Thanks for continuing to care how I'm doing. Maybe you're here out of support, (thanks so much!), maybe for support, (you GOT this, girl!), and maybe out of morbid curiosity to see when the fat girl will give up and get on with being fat, (I admire your honesty). No matter why you're here, I welcome you.

     So I am officially 4 weeks in and this is still so freakin' bizarre, but it's going great! Guys, I even managed to go away to Boston for a couple of nights on a mini-vacay and NOT tank myself. In the past, vacations have TOTALLY been my excuse to completely quit dieting of any kind and basically eat whatever I can get my hands on. Not this time. I mean, I did indulge a bit more than I have been while in Boston, having a few forkfuls of Chinese food, and a rich pesto flatbread pizza. Even a half of a black and white cookie! (If you're from the Northeast, or have been there, and you now live in Florida, I am certain you do not fault me for any of this, as decent Chinese food does not even exist in Orlando, nor does anything resembling an Italian pastry.) But other than my indulgences, I mostly ate the stuff I have been eating.... veggies, fruit, eggs, yogurt, etc., and stayed on track. In fact, when I came back, I was pleased to see that I had stayed the same weight. And since then? Crushin it!

Down over 25 pounds! (Over by a sneeze, but I'll take it!) I'm officially seeing a difference in clothes and stuff. The only problem is the stuff that now fits nicely that did not fit before, that I REALLY want to wear is all long sleeves and pants and Orlando weather has decided to NOT participate in Fall. 

Yuck. 

     So how am I keeping motivated? Seriously, my Spotify playlist is helping a TON. (Check it out! Get It Girl, on Spotify) I have always known that music is a super powerful tool. It helps amplify and give voice to feelings, and that is exactly what many of these songs are doing for me right now. Have you ever listened to Sarah Bareillies's "She Used To Be Mine", from the musical, "Waitress"? It's amazing. Hauntingly sad, but also so incredibly real and relatable. Here's the link, and the lyrics:

It's not simple to say

That most days I don't recognize me

That these shoes and this apron

That place and its patrons

Have taken more than I gave them

It's not easy to know

I'm not anything like I used be, although it's true

I was never attention's sweet center

I still remember that girl

She's imperfect, but she tries

She is good, but she lies

She is hard on herself

She is broken and won't ask for help

She is messy, but she's kind

She is lonely most of the time

She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie

She is gone, but she used to be mine

It's not what I asked for

Sometimes life just slips in through a back door

And carves out a person and makes you believe it's all true

And now I've got you

And you're not what I asked for

If I'm honest, I know I would give it all back

For a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two

For the girl that I knew

Who'll be reckless, just enough

Who'll get hurt, but who learns how to toughen up

When she's bruised and gets used by a man who can't love

And then she'll get stuck

And be scared of the life that's inside her

Growing stronger each day 'til it finally reminds her

To fight just a little, to bring back the fire in her eyes

That's been gone, but used to be mine

Used to be mine

She is messy, but she's kind

She is lonely most of the time

She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie

She is gone, but she used to be mine. 

Beautiful, huh? I may not be a waitress, and I may not be stuck with a man who can't love.... and I don't even want any redo's, but I can relate so well to losing yourself and not knowing who you've become. That's how I started on this journey, afterall. Call it a mid-life crisis, if you want, but I think most 30 or 40 somethings can relate to this feeling of loss. You do have to give yourself a human moment to mourn the things that you did not become, that you thought you would, but you also have to take that minute to realize there's still time. Life may be a whirlwind right now, but there's still time to seek out those parts of your life that you wanted and perhaps gave up on. I'm trying to use that idea as my rocket fuel to keep moving forward. It's working for the moment, so I'm gonna go with it. 

    What kind of dreams and hopes have you given up on? Is there a way to still reach for it? I bet there is. And I believe in you. Get it, girl. (Or Guy.)